Rheumatoid Arthritis was not really a phrase I was thinking would become a part of my life. But, those words and that diagnosis have turned my world upside down. Mostly because I am in pain and not able to function the way I want my body to, but also because I am afraid. Afraid that this pain will become my life. That it will limit me. That it will define my life and what I can do. That it will change the plans we have for life. That I will not be able to continue to do all the things I love.
Rheumatoid Arthritis is an auto-immune disease. It is NOT osteoarthritis. My body is attacking the fluid in my joints. There is no cure. There is no stopping it. Medications can slow things down, but the damage is inevitable. My hands right now are the worst, so you can imagine how difficult life has become. I cannot even squeeze a tube of toothpaste.
But, with a heart of thankfulness, I will be glad that I am dealing with this now in life, not when I had a tiny baby at home. Now, when we are settled and not moving. Now, when we are in a home that is not in need of remodeling . Now, because of the advances in modern medicine. Now, because it is God’s plan for my life. Not really sure what that plan looks like, but He is there. He is faithful. As I have watched happen in my life so many times before, I will be able to look back one day and go, ah-ha! So that’s why! God you are good. So good!
And here is to maybe being a bit more guilt-free. Let’s face it, I never again have to think, oh man, I should really get out and go for a run. I can, without hesitation, remove running a marathon from my bucket list. ‘Cause let’s face it, I was never going to run one anyway! :)
Maybe this reminds me to not hold onto this life so dearly. To look forward to the day when my body will be restored and I will be walking, pain free, on the streets of heaven.
I do not know what the future holds. Even more so at this moment. I will take each good day to heart. I will enjoy it more. Cherish it. Live in the moment of ability.
P.S. I wrote this the day I found out that I had Rheumatoid Arthritis. Yesterday I began to take medication (well, three) to fight/slow the progression of the disease. They could take one to two months to begin to work. The medications are designed to suppress my immune system, which adds another layer of concern. But, to live with less pain and more function, we can deal with it. We are pushing on one day at a time. And while I am down for a little while, I am not going to let it stop me. I will dress myself again. I will start creating and making videos again. I will get back on the golf course. And I guess, because I am the mommy, I will clean the house all by myself. Maybe that one could wait a bit… :)
Thank you again for your encouraging emails. Its so uplifting to have wonderful blog readers who care, who are willing to share their stories, and to pray. Thank you.